


Suck Me Dry

by orphan_account



Category: Placebo
Genre: Alternate Universe, BDSM, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:02:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Brian Molko is a junkie make up artist working at a low-budget pub in London alongside his possessive lover.





	1. A Careless Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the very first fic I ever write, so please don't be too harsh on it. I am enjoying writing it very much and I think that's a good sign. Some of the main characters are original characters, so if that's not your thing, I'm sorry. I hope you guys like it. Leave comments/suggestions. Any constructive criticism is welcome.
> 
> ** side note: eventually, this story will include somewhat heavier bdsm and underage sex, so if you don't like any of those two things, keep that in mind while delving into this story :) I only do light research so if some stuff are inaccurate, my mistake.
> 
> ** I am picturing Brian like in the debut album era. Same with Stefan. (And YES. The main pairing is Brian/Stef)

It was late at night and Brian was late again. He knew it would be fine. His boss didn't really care if he arrived a few minutes late and had never given him any trouble about it. Still it made him feel guilty to always be the reason everyone had to be rushing. Quickly he took one last short glance in the mirror and fixed a strand of hair that fell back on his face just as soon as he had pulled it back. Placing a few extra items on his bag that he'd forgotten to pack in the morning, he rushed out of the room not taking the time to check if he'd really locked the door as he turned the key. He hurried down the old wooden stairs outside his apartment which creaked with every step and took a quick run down the road. The pub was just a few streets down, so he opted for walking instead of the bus which would be completely pointless. 

Once there he hurried inside through the side door of the building instantly making an uncomfortable face upon seeing Henry.

"I'm sorry Hens" he said. "Look, if you want I'll wipe the tables this time, yeah? All of them" he continued, hanging his black coat on a hook by the entrance.

"Nah. 's alright. You know it's fine. I've told you so many times before. Your job isn't really that important anyways, Brian" He replied with a weird emphasis on the i of his name."Besides, Christopher isn't even here yet. I don't think he'll be happy if you pretty-up all the other boys before he even gets here"

"I'm here!" came a breathy voice from behind Brian. It was Christopher. "You haven't started without me, have you darling?" he looked directly at Brian as he curled up his lips forming a smile across his face.

"No, no. Of course not. I wouldn't do that. Ever!" he mocked back. "Well, sit down now. Make yourself comfortable while I get all my wands out." He dug into his bag and pulled out a couple of make up brushes of various sizes. "Okay" he began, clearing his throat before continuing. "What will it be today? Matte or glitter?" He paused for a second.

"Matte" the blond replied from his chair.

"No! We did that last time. See, this is why you need me babe. You'd be completely lost without me." he replied with an exaggerated shocked tone in his voice.

"What...? But you're wearing Matte yourself!" Christopher replied a little too serious for the topic at hand. 

"Actually this is satin" Brian replied matter-of-factly. "Besides, It doesn't matter what I'm wearing because I work here only for backstage purposes." He replied proudly. _Why did that even make him feel a hint of pride?_

"Okay, whatever" the blond shot back with a stiff giggle. "Just make sure I look better than all those blokes, okay?"

"sure thing".

~

It had taken Stefan three hours to find the place. THREE HOURS. It made his head hurt just thinking about all the time he'd wasted walking around in circles. He breathed out impatiently as he approached the hideous apartment complex his friend had helped him find. _It's cheap and decent. I lived there for eight months when I was living in London with my band._ He recalled his friend telling him. Decent? Ha! How was this piece of trash decent in any way? It looked like it would fall apart if a drizzle were to shower over the city. He looked around before making his way inside the building. It looked more like a strange old haunted house than anything else. The hall smelled of rotten wood and it made his eyes water a little. Or...?

Actually it didn't smell like rotten wood at all. It smelled more like something was burning. Like...hair? He followed the scent until he reached a tattered red door which seemed to be the portal to wherever it was the smell of burnt hair was coming from. He tried the knob and to his surprise it wasn't locked.

"Hello? Is there someone in there?" he called from outside the room. "It smells like something is burning in there! You can smell it all the way outside, you know." He tried. No response. "Look, if this building burns down it will be your fault for not responding to me and for letting whatever it is that's burning in there burn." He insisted. No luck. He slowly opened the door further and further until he had enough room to completely step inside. The place was a total mess. lipstick marks of every color under the rainbow tattooed all over the large mirror leaning against a wall. It reaked of alcohol and cigarettes and...weed? There were shoes thrown in all directions of the room, wigs of at least four different colors, an ashtray was laying carelessly on the floor next to a hair iron which was turned on and placed on top of a purple long-haired wig. THAT WAS IT! Stefan rushed towards it pulling the cord from the wall.

~

"There! They're all ready Hens". Brian shouted from the small room which was packed with half naked men. "Don't they all look so...lovely?" Brian continued attempting to hide a smile.

"Ha ha ha" was the only thing that came out of Henry's mouth as a response.

"Why do you even work here if you're not gay?" joked Brian, his eyes fixed on his own reflection in the mirror as he fixed his black bob.

"Because actually, I secretly really want to get into bed with you" his boss replied humorously. 

"Haha, now it's my turn to laugh"

"Well you really don't need Henry to go gay for you, do you Brian?" Christopher joined in, sounding slightly tense. "And you certainly don't need him in your bed" he finished bitterly, spinning around in his chair.

"Oh shut it babe. You know I don't want anyone in my bed beside you." replied Brian with a small smile. "Plus Henry wouldn't be interested even if I did want to get in his pants."

"But you don't" challenged Chris.

"No. I don't" responded the short black-haired. Chris smiled triumphantly.

"Enough of that. I don't want to hear another word about any of...that" Henry interrupted, relieved that neither Brian nor Chris seemed interested in continuing their chat. "Okay butterflies. Get out there and go get some men drunk." he trailed off exiting the office with a pen and a notepad on his hand. Two men caked with makeup chatted and smiled as they walked out the room, followed by six other, half of which seemed to be laughing about something. The last one closed the door and the sound it made as it shut rang awkward in Brian's ears. He stood there feeling strange, looking at the door without saying a word. He hesitated for a few seconds before walking towards the exit, but he could barely make half a step before he was swiftly pushed against the wall by Chris who had stayed behind. 

"You fucking slut" he hissed directly at the short man's face, laughing as he licked a trail on one of Brian's cheeks. "You want him." he continued.

"No! What the fuck are you talking about?" the small man shot back.

"You want to fuck him." he whispered against Brian's ear. "Or...knowing you, you want him to...fuck you" he hissed. "Don't you?...whore." Keeping Brian pinned to the wall by the shoulders, be licked the small man's lips biting them gently.

Brian's breath quickened as he took in the scent of the tall blond in front of him. "You smell good babe" he remarked a little shaky. "But, you have to...get out there, y'know?" he continued. His voice so small.

"What if I bend you over the table and fuck you here, in his office. You'd like that wouldn't you, slut? You whore. I bet you'd cum just knowing you're being fucked over that old man's desk." he spat out bitterly.

Brian's chest began rising and falling more quickly and his breaths deepened. "Fuck" was the only thing he could say.

"You're so fucking hard you whore" the blond man muttered as he cupped Brian's cock through his black dress. "Did that old man get you this fucking hot?" he spat biting the small man's bottom lip, this time making it bleed a little. "You look so fucking hot with a dress".

"Don't insist on that. Henry is like...fifteen years older than me." Brian mumbled.

"Eighteen" Chris purred. His Breaths feeling warm against Brian's face.

"Yeah. And...you...are" Brian replied with shaky breaths, "You are...only...8 years older than me. See...see the difference?" he was barely able to finish the sentence. He pulled his dress up to his belly button holding it in place with his free hand. "Fuck".

"Who are you like this for?" the blond inquired irritated. "are you like this for me or for him?" he shot. He cupped the small man's cock again. This time through his tights, making the black-haired shiver. In a swift move, he turned him around pushing him against the wall. His face taking a blow.

"No no...baby what are you doing?" Brian questioned, panic in his tone. "Not here, yeah? Henry is waiting for you. Did you even lock the door?" He tried spinning around to face Christopher again, but the blond's grip on his wrists was too strong.

"Why the fuck do you care about him, darling? the blond spat, squeezing his wrists harder. "Yeah, I locked the door you bitch." He lifted his dress all the way to his back, holding it with one hand. Using his other hand he began pulling his tights down. His hands were shaking. Out of lust but also out of rage.

"I asked what the fuck you're doing." Brian spat exasperated, worry in his eyes. "Babe please. We'll go home after your shift and..." He attempted pleadingly. "Just..." He finally managed to free himself from Chris' harsh grip which had left thick red marks on his wrists. He pushed the taller man away from him. "Dammit. What the hell is your fucking problem? You work here, y'know. You're supposed to be out there, earning money which we very much need, for your information." he shot. "How old are you? You're not 15, you're not 18. Act your fucking age!" he spat attempting an angry tone. "Jesus."

"Haha. Well, you are." the taller man replied. "My baby Brian."

"I'm not 15, I'm 19. And call me whatever you want, but at least I know how to behave myself."

"Do you really? I would've sworn you were rock hard just a second ago. And you probably still are." he insisted. "What? You're acting all innocent now? You're the one who screams like a whore every time you're being fucked. You're the one who pleads for me to..."

"Shut up!" Brian exclaimed. More embarrassed than angry. He covered Chris' mouth with one of his hands and pushed him against the wall with his free one. "Please just shut up. Please." he pleaded. "I'm hard for you, not for him. You know that! Why do you have to act like this all the time?" He released Chris' mouth, backing off away from the taller man.

Christopher paused for a few moments. The silence ringing too loudly in their ears. "I'm sorry gorgeous." Chris finally broke the silence. "It's just...tell me you notice how everyone looks at you. You're so hot, I get jealous." No response. "You want this. You like it just like this and don't say you don't. You like the red marks and you like the thrill." He finished.

Brian took a deep breath before he turned around to face him. "Let's just forget about this. I...I just don't understand what this was all about anyways, but I don't want to understand. And yes, I like it just like this. I like you just like this too." He knew that didn't really make any sense. He knew he was contradicting himself, but he also knew both things were true. He never knew what the hell went through his boyfriend's/lover's/on-and-off's head. It irritated him but he _did_ like it. He placed a soft kiss to the tall man's lips

~

"Fucking hell. What type of girl lives here?" Stefan moved boxed full of papers from one spot of the floor to another. "Probably...a prostitute? Maybe." He continued looking through things. It seemed so strange to him, like a room from a movie scene. A teenager's room. A teenager who used marijuana and left condoms lying around on the floor. There were stacks of films and vinyl reccords on the bed. A thorn blanket hung from the window as some form of curtain. "What the hell." He sat down on the edge of the bed looking through some of the records. "Evol by Sonic Youth, Marquee Moon by Television..." he read aloud. The walls were a white tone of white and were covered with little streaks of light purple paint. He spotted a little note on top of a small table by the bed. The table wobbled as he picked up the neon green paper. It had something scribbled on it with red marker. "Buy new mascara tube, buy more matte shadows...and glitter too, buy some soup cups, get new lingerie." The swede chuckled lowly. "Yeah, definitely a prostitute."

~

The shift was over. It was around 2 in the morning and Brian could barely keep his eyes open. He spun around in the chair trying to keep himself awake while he waited for Chris. Half naked men began pouring into the room making Brian feel slightly uncomfortable in his sleepy state. He stood up from the chair putting on his coat and picking up his bag from the counter. "You ready?" he asked once he saw the blond approaching him. "Aren't you cold?" he chatted amused. "It's pretty chilly out, you're gonna get sick if you go out like that."

"I'm fine gorgeous, don't worry about it." said the blond. He wore an easy smile on his lips and seemed a lot more relaxed than before his shift.

"Okay." Brian chuckled. "But if you get sick, don't come looking for me." he joked. "How was it tonight?" he asked once they were outside. He rubbed his hands together bringing them up to his face to warm them with his breath.

"It was alright."

"Good."

"You know, Henry hinted that he's interested in you. Well, he said he'd be up for a threesome if we wanted. You me and him." Chris broke the silence.

"Well tell him I'm not interested in a threesome with him...or with anyone else." Brian smiled knowingly.

"Just testing you."

"I Know. Don't." the short man replied. "You're gonna get very sick if you keep up these habits, y'know." He changed the topic fearing another confrontation. He bent down to pick a few little pebbles from the ground, moving them around in one hand as he continued walking. "I'm so sick of this, y'know. Sick of coming home so late. I'm always so sleepy. I'm tired of working at that place!" He sounded like a whinny boy. And well, that's sort of what he was. A _boy_ , and he did whine a lot.

"Doll, you don't know how to do anything else. You're only good at this. Make up, or whatever." Chris hissed.

"It's art, babe." he dropped the pebbles one by one, pulling out a cigarette once his hand was free. Then a lighter, then the orange flame. Smoke.

"Yeah. You're good at it, and you like it." the tall man was holding Brian's bag in one hand and an apple in the other. He bit down. "Why are you suddenly so upset about your job?"

"I don't know. I'm just bored of it I guess." the short man said almost in a whisper.

"Are you going to keep your promise?" Chris suddenly spat, interrupting Brian's train of thought.

"What?"

"You said..." be began, throwing the middle bit of his apple on the floor. "That we'd fuck once we got home...once my shift ended."

"Pffft. I didn't promise. Plus, I'm tired. Sleepy." Brian squeaked, blowing smoke through his mouth. "You're probably tired too." He looked up at the night sky feeling melancholic.

"Not that much. Not for you." the blond replied.

They got there in what seemed too short of a time for Brian and too long a wait for Christopher. The taller man pushed Brian against the red door making the small man hiss in pain. He began sucking at his neck lightly.

"Oh god, I want to fuck you so hard...you're so hot, y'know that? You're driving me crazy." He backed off a little, just to see the look in Brian's face. The small man could say he was tired all he wanted, but he could see the need in his eyes. It turned him on so much. Those beautiful pleading eyes. He turned the knob, pushing Brian in, making him stumble on some boxes on the floor.

"Bed bed bed..." pleaded Brian, surprising even himself.

"Wha...? Who the fuck is this piece of shit?" exclaimed Christopher, pushing Brian away from him to take a better look at the lanky kid laying in bed fully asleep.

"I don't know! It's your place too, asshole." uttered the black-haired as he rubbed the spot on his shoulder where Chris had pushed him.

"Wake up you fuck." He spat, kicking the young boy on one leg. Brian rolled his eyes as he walked towards the sleeping stranger.

"Hun, wake up. This is not your bed sweetie" the small man tried. The swede opened his eyes slowly. "Hello sleepy head" Brian chirped.


	2. Old Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just porn. And some blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe a little vulgar. maybe. or not.

"Fucking hell" were the first words that came out of the younger boy. "Where the fuck am I?"

"Nowhere you should be" blurted Chris. "Who the fuck are you?"

"You must be the prostitute" Stefan chuckled pointing at Brian. You're a girl or...?"

"Never seen a guy with a dress?" Brian replied a little offended. "And say that again...about the prostitute, you little prick."

"Sorry, It's just...I though. Okay, nevermind. It's just, I just moved in..." he pointed at his bags in the floor. "Not to this room, this one's yours. I moved in next door and your fucking purple wig...it was burning I could smell it from outside!" He pointed at the flattening Iron. "I saved your place...and your Sonic Youth record." He smiled.

"How'd you know it's mine?" Brian asked interested.

"You look the part." the swede offered back, still smiling. "Cool record collection." He looked Brian up and down furrowing his brow. "Are you really a bloke though?" He asked unsure of wether to laugh or not.

"Yes. I am, want to see?" he began lifting his dress up, attempting to conceal his smile.

"No no no." Stefan yelped with slight panic. "Your voice. It kind of gives you away. It's just...you look a lot like a girl." He finished with a shy smile. Christopher stood in a corner of the room listening in silence.

"Yeah?" Brian chirped, a smile spreading across his face.

"Is that supposed to make you happy?" the swede questioned amused.

"Guess so." the small man replied pointing at his own smiling face.

"You two are chatting up as if you were long lost friends." Chris finally spoke. "You don't know this kid, do you baby?" he looked directly at Brian.

"Of course not. I don't know who the hell he is, but he's alright." Brian replied with a smirk he tried his hardest to conceal. He picked himself up from where he had settled on the floor and walked towards a small table where he plugged in an electric kettle.

"You're gonna drink coffee? It's 3 in the morning, baby." Chris bickered.

"I like coffee." Brian whined. "You want some?...wha...what's your name?" he yawned.

"Stefan." the swede replied.

"Um...swedish accent?" Brian questioned.

"Yeah!" Stefan beamed. "And no thanks, I don't want coffee right now. Good luck falling asleep after drinking that."

"Actually, I think we wont be sleeping for a while, right Brian?" The black-haired didn't respond.

"Look, I think I'll be leaving now." Stefan stood up from the bed and walked towards the door, feeling awkward in the room.

"Wait!" Brian yelped. Why don't you stay a bit longer? You just got here, I think we could help you a bit with settling in, y'know."

"No, it's really late. I fell asleep in here because I'm really tired from the trip. I spent hours looking for this place and got here really late. I should get into bed and sleep some." the boy replied.

"Yeah, of course" Brian replied with a small smile. "It was nice meeting you. And sorry for the scare."

"Don't worry about it...?"

"Brian. My name's Brian." he smiled.

"Brian." the swede smiled back. He waved at both Chris and Brian and hurried out the door happy to be out of the strange place. He closed the door behind him making a beeline toward his own place. Turning the key, he made his way inside the small room. It was smaller than Brian's place, but at least it wasn't a complete mess. He set his bags on the floor and threw himself on the small worn out mattress that was in the center of the room. He layed there feeling as if he was between being awake and asleep. A liquid form of reality unraveling before his eyes.  
~  
Chris sat down on the edge of the table scanning the room as if he were checking for signs that he might have been imagining the whole thing. "What the hell was that? Who was that bloke?" he asked, setting his eyes on Brian who was busy pouring boiling water on a mug.

Brian smiles as he puts the kettle down on the table and pours instant coffee onto the mug. "We need to get a proper coffeemaker. I'm tired of this crap."

"Did you even hear what I said?" Chris spat irritated. He threw himself on the bed making it creak.

Brian exhaled loudly and took a sip from his boiling cup of cheap coffee as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. "You think I'll get those eye-bag thingies if I keep this up?" he asked curiously not moving from his spot. "Y'know, I'd lose all my charm if that were to happen." He put his mug down on the floor and took one of his ear hoops off.

Chris exhaled frustrated, covering his eyes with his hands. "I don't know why I'm with you. Sometimes I forget you're a bloke." he smiled keeping his hands on his eyes. "I think that guy is a spy."

Brian snorted almost choking on his coffee. "Why would anyone spy on us exactly?" he questioned furrowing his brow.

"Think about it...maybe he wants to keep a close eye on us to drag us into some illicit shit. And then when he gets busted he'll leave the load to us and make his escape." he said in a tone of complete mockery.

"You're not even trying hun." Brian replied as he took a small sip from his mug and sat on the edge of the bed picking up a record from a stack in the floor. "That guy..." another sip. "...is probably just some poor kid who is running away from home because he can't stand the rules that his parents make him follow." he replied uninterested as he picked up a different record from the floor and looked through the songs listed on the back.

"That sounds familiar." Chris replied from behind Brian in a completely serious tone. "You've never told me why you left your home." He shifted so he was facing Brian's back, resting his head on his hand. "You just dropped into my life one day out of the blue and we fucked and I let you stay at my place and then...you never left." There was a hint of melancholy in his words.

"You want me to?" Brian put his mug down on the floor and set the record he was holding aside. He picked himself up from where he was sitting but was abruptly pulled down towards the bed by a strong hand. He fell on top of Chris and the blond pulled him closer to himself until they were facing each other, their breaths quickening slightly.

Chris smiled amused, knowing he had Brian just were he wanted. "If I did, would you leave?"

"I have dignity Chris..."

"Is your dignity really that strong?"

"Yes, it is."

"I don't think so. I really don't." He began hurriedly pulling up Brian's dress and then pulling his tights down revealing his pale skin. "You really are such a slut" he crackled taking in the sight of the small boy wearing nothing but black lace underwear.

"And you like it." he smiled the smile of a person who is in complete control, yet somewhere in his mind there was a small voice that urged him to run out of the room as soon as possible. It was so small and Brian kept telling himself that if he ignored it, it would go away. So he did. He began fumbling with Chris' fly, unzipping and unbuttoning and pulling off. He pulled off his shirt throwing it to the floor leaving them both in only their underwear. He looked into the blond's icy blue eyes for what seemed a very long time, and then climbed off from on top of him and walked towards an opened window. The blond ran a hand through his hair irritably as he stared at Brian from the bed. The younger boy took a cigarette from a box that was laying on the floor and lit it, blowing smoke out into the world. The night world that he loved so much.

"You look so...fuckable." Chris remarked awkwardly from the bed. Brian smiled a small smile and then stared back out the window. He watched a woman who was walking outside with a beer in her hand, tripping and making strange gestures with her hands. He saw her sit in a bench and talk to herself and stare at the sky and throw her beer can at a passing dog, and he wished he was her.

"Come on baby. Come back to bed." Brian returned his gaze to the blond, to his world. He looked at his hair, sticking out in all directions and...in his stomach, he felt a sense of longing.

"Yeah." he walked towards the bed, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray that was laying on the floor. He climbed on top of Chris, pinning him between his legs. The moonlight tracing shadows on his pale fragile skin. He looked directly at his lover's eyes. Trying to figure out something, though he wasn't even sure what it was he was seeking answers to. His breaths fastened from the anticipation, and he interrupted his trance by asking what he immediately deemed as a very stupid question. "Why do you bother with me?" He sighted feeling pathetic. Chris didn't make the situation any better as he proceeded to laugh a somewhat small laugh.

"Because I like you, silly." he replied, the smirk lingering on his lips. "I like fucking you." He caressed Brian's cheek endearingly. The small boy snapped out of his embarrased state, surprised by the gentle gesture. "It isn't a bother...you're not a bother baby." He continued caressing Brian's pale face in small circles, moving closer and closer to his lips. The younger boy opened his mouth slightly, closing his eyes and allowing himself to sink into the so familiar feeling. He felt himself drift away from reality and it made him want to punch himself. How more pathetic could he get? He was just too easy. And then two fingers slipped into his mouth interrupting his thoughts. He closed his lips, sucking on the fingers inside. And it was this precise pattern that made Brian want to pull his hair out and cry himself to sleep. He was helpless. He felt like the most loathsome piece of skin in the face of the earth.

"Please..." he trailed off, not sure what he was begging for. He squeezed his eyes shut, in some sort of attempt to fool himself. Make himself believe he didn't really want this. But he did. He really really did. Chris removed the sleek fingers from Brian's warm mouth, drawing wet trails in his cheeks and lips.

"Get on your knees, get on your knees.." the blond urged the younger boy in a raspy whisper. Brian climbed off the bed, kneeling beside the bed. The blond stood up from the mattress removing his underwear clumsily. The black-haired eyed him eagerly. Chris pulled the younger boy closer and closer to him, keeping him on his knees. Brian closed his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that night, and he couldn't figure out what was torturing him the most between shame and need. He was battling with the rush of emotions when he felt the blond pull him harshly by the hair, forcing him to look up at him. He opened his eyes to meet icy blue staring back at him.

It was nothing new. They had established this dynamic early on in their turbulent relationship, but it never failed to hit him like a ton of bricks. The realization of what he had gotten himself into. That it was exactly what he wanted. He stared back at the blond, unable to move his head. Chris held him there, a firm grip on his black silky hair. He stared back at Brian, the small boy almost trembling.

"please..." Brian begged. "please please plea..." Chris pushed his cock all the way to the back of the small boy's throat making him gag.

"Fuck" the blond threw his head back relishing the feeling of Brian's warm mouth around his cock. He pulled Brian from his hair, away from him. The small boy kept his mouth wide open, his eyes shut. "Stand up." came a voice from above. It rang alien in Brian's ears. "Get up." The voice became more insistent and the small boy obeyed. The blond only giving him enough time to stand up before he pushed him hard against the wall. "Tell me you want it. Tell me you want it you whore." Chris spat, millimeters away from Brian's face. The small boy looked up from mascara-inked lashes.

"I want it." a shaky voice responded. Brian could feel his heartbeat quickening, his breaths deepening more and more as the anticipation grew in the pit of his stomach, like a billion bugs eating away at him.

"Tell me you want my cock. Tell me you want it, my bitch." Chris wrapped a single hand around Brian's neck.

"I...I want your cock." There was a tinge of shame in his tone. He lowered his gaze to the ground, grinding his teeth.

"Look at me." demanded the taller man.

Brian raised his gaze, looking at the blond before him. He shook under his grip, the sensation of being completely controlled taking over his body. "I want your cock, I want your cock" he pleaded. His eyes strangely innocent. He felt as if something was shattering inside him, but the need helped to silence the sensation. The blond attacked his mouth violently, his tongue intruding inside. He kissed him hard hard hard, and Brian could barely breathe. Their breaths loud and heated and impatient. Chris broke the kiss, their eyes meeting. Brian held the blond's face between his hands, rubbing small gentle circles on his cheeks with his thumbs. The taller man squeezed the younger boy's neck, making his eyes water. Their lips met again. Chris' tongue swirling inside the small of Brian's mouth. He bit his lip so hard it made the small boy shriek in pain. The blood flowing down his lip and into his mouth. The metallic taste making his cock twitch. Chris pushed the small boy to his knees again making him hit the ground with a loud thud.

"Open your mouth..."  
Brian obeyed, opening his mouth and closing his eyes. The blond pushed his cock all the way to the back of Brian's throat, holding the back of his head with one of his hands. He pushed deeper and deeper until his whole cock was inside, his balls rubbing against Brian's chin. He gasped, digging his fingers into Brian's sweaty hair. He kept Brian's head in place until he heard a muffled gagging sound from the small boy's mouth. He pulled his cock out, enjoying how desperate Brian looked right there on his knees. He lowered himself down, meeting Brian at eye-level. "You look like a whore." The words echoed in Brian's ears, his gaze lowering to the floor. "Look at me!" Chris spat, pushing his chin up so their eyes met again. "You know you're my bitch, right?" He whispered with a shaky voice. "Tell me you're my bitch."

Brian bit his bottom lip, his breaths becoming shallow and ragged. "I'm your bitch." his eyes not moving, still staring directly at Chris' blue pools. He moved closer to his lover's face until they were only inches apart. "I'm your bitch." He whispered, his breaths mixing with Chris'. The blonde lifted him up like a plastic doll, holding him by the waist and attacking his lips sloppily as he walked them towards the bed. An awkward sound of metal springs as they hit the bed. The blonde settled the smaller boy between his thighs, moving his lips from his mouth to his neck sucking at it until he whimpered in pain. He forced a finger into Brian's mouth, his tongue immediately responding to the intrusion, licking at the digit. Chris removed his finger from the wet of the smaller boy's moth, removing a strand of hair from his face.  
"I want you to fuck me." Brian could hear the despair in his voice, but he was a mess by then and couldn't care less about shame. Chris looked at him defiantly, smirking from above.

"Say please."

Brian licked his lips. "Please."

The blond returned to his mouth, this time pushing two fingers inside, swirling them around impatiently. His gaze fixed on broken green in Brian's eyes. Broken like pieces of shattered glass from a beer bottle. He slipped them out once more, and In a rushed move flipped the black-haired on his stomach, his bum facing up. He pulled his lace panties off with one hand, tossing them on the ground. Brian looked down on the floor, bracing for the pain he knew he would feel. A sleek finger pushed inside his hole. He could feel it stretching him from inside, then another. He moaned against the bedsheets refusing to close his eyes, refusing to close them. The fingers dug in and out of him, deeper each time. More harshly. Then he felt the tip of Chris' cock against his entrance, the need manifesting in ripples through his stomach. He wanted to shout, but he knew he had to keep his mouth shut. Then he could feel it pushing inside him. It felt like it was tearing him apart. The pleasure, the pain. The need to fill the hole that he'd been walking around with since birth. Chris pushed deeper inside of him, spreading his thin pale legs. He dug his nails on the younger boy's thighs, running them up and down up and down, leaving red streaks like trails.

"More, more." Brian pleaded, his voice muffled. Chris dug his nails on the boy's bum making red lines as he starched the delicate skin. Brian shivered in pleasure, pushing his ass up against Chris' cock. The taller boy re-positioned himself, spreading Brian's thighs further and holding him from the waist. He sped up his rhythm, pushing in and out of Brian, speeding up until the sound of flapping skins became obscene. Brian's vision became blurry and out of focus. He was so intoxicated with pleasure, so numbed by it that he couldn't feel the pain of Chris' nails running up and down the sides of his thighs. "Harder, harder." He rasped. His own nails digging into the edges of the mattress. Chris pushed his cock inside Brian violently, making the younger boy unable to hold the moan that escaped his lips. The blond ran his nails deeper into Brian's pale skin, faster and faster and faster. And then red ran into the white sheets, drawing dots and patterns on the bed. The blond shifted them sideways, taking Brian's cock with one hand. Brian whimpered from the touch.

The blond busied himself with the younger boy's cock, stroking it in alternating speeds, biting his shoulders as he did. Brian whimpered trying to keep the noises from his mouth from escaping. The blond dropped the boy's cock, moving shifting himself inside Brian. The younger boy took himself in hand, stroking his own cock at a steady rhythm. The blond thrust once, twice...his breaths loud and uneven. And then Brian could feel the release of energy that ran through his body. Pleasure running in ripples through his stomach. He could feel it rushing through his veins. He felt how it swirled around like a drug. Dimming and dimming slowly as when a roller-coaster slows down before the halt. He felt how the pleasure swam out of him in waves and left him limp and lifeless. He heard Chris let out a loud sigh, then the sound of metal springs. The bed lifting up from Chris' weight coming off. He heard the blond walk away, his feet against the carpet. Brian closed his eyes. He could feel the sticky between his cheeks and between his fingers, on his cock. He felt exposed, there lying on the bed completely naked. But he was too weak to move, so he stayed there with his eyes closed. Hugging his legs up towards his chest. He heard The noise of the bathroom door closing and then the shower going on. Finally the embarrassment was too much to take and he managed to move his arm to cover himself up with the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the language/name-calling was too heavy for you. I wouldn't say so myself, but maybe for some people :s  
> Took longer than I thought it would. Not completely happy with the outcome.  
> comments/suggestions are welcome! <3


	3. Donuts And Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stef spills coffee on Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually really excited about this chapter because Bri and Stef finally have an actual conversation. I took a lot longer than I wanted to, but I've been feeling really depressed lately so it's really hard to do much of anything. I hope you guys like it. Leave your comments! It really means a lot to me, and I do read them <3

Brian didn't know what time it was when he found himself laying on the bed alone. Christopher was nowhere to be seen, but that didn't surprise him one bit. He pulled the sheets off of himself, the sight of his naked body making him feel extremely uncomfortable. Something just didn't feel right about the situation, but as usual he shooed the thought out of his mind. He sat on the edge of the bed, the smell of the room suffocating. He walked to the dresser on the other side of the room, picking an over-sized shirt from a drawer and putting it on.

"Okay." he spoke to himself. He was off work that day, and on those times he found himself completely empty with nothing to do. He sat on the floor looking through his bag. A mirror, a lipstick, a pocket knife, aha! a box of cigarettes. He opened the box taking a stick on his hand and lighting it up with the lighter that was carelessly laying on the floor. Inhale, exhale.

Does this count as a cigarette after sex? he wondered, shrugging the thought off. No. Where's your lover, bimbo? He smiled to himself, not really knowing why. Perhaps because smoking a cigarette still felt really good, or maybe because he was alone and it made him feel a tiny bit better.

~  
Stefan found himself sitting down in a rather uncomfortable chair, starring out of the window as he cut a piece of pancake into bite-size. People scrambled around out on the streets. They all seemed to know exactly where they were going. Well, probably because they did know exactly where it was they were heading, but Stefan didn't. The food joint had an awful smell of strawberry jam mixed with bleach. It made him feel more confused, out of place and on the verge of tears. Here he was, in a country he had only visited once, alone, still fifteen. There had been no objection to his leaving. Not from his mom, and certainly not from his dad. It had been a cold blow. Never in his life had he imagined his parents would have a problem with him being — the way he was. They were fairly open minded and understanding, so it had taken him aback when he learned of their disapproval. It didn't take long for him to decide leaving the country was the best thing to do. He felt he had already disappointed them enough by deciding to study music, and after a second disappointment it just seemed like the obvious step to take. At least that's how it seemed to him. He chewed on a piece of pancake, doubting for a moment if perhaps he was eating pancakes with bleach and smelling strawberry jam.

~  
Brian starred at a blank spot on the wall. He really needed to paint those damn walls. Too bad he was inept at those type of things. He propped both of his legs up on the wall as he layed on the bed, belly up. He chewed off a sugary donut that had been left on the table from god knows how many days before. It tasted fine, so he figured it wouldn't kill him. He felt like a little girl laying there carelessly, makeup smudged on his face. Sometimes it sickened him. He had the gut feeling that he was willingly indulging in a lie. Too bad he liked the lie. Outside it was cloudy and rainy and shitty. He wouldn't go out because his hair would go haywire and with it his mood. There was a chocolate donut on the table too, he figured he could finish the sugary one and then head over for the chocolate one. Too bad that was all there was left because he felt like eating twelve dozens worth. It didn't matter how much he ate anyways, his body seemed to be able to take anything and everything. He was convinced there was nothing in this world that could possibly make Brian Molko fat. He reached over for the note mr-i-dont-like-labels had left him. 

He read aloud.  
"I'll be back late, don't wait for me." Prick.  
~  
Stefan walked outside of the food joint. The place was alright he supposed, but the smell really made it unbearable. He knew sooner or later he'd have to find a better place to eat breakfast. He walked as he though about this very important problem, and as he approached a donut shop a sign that read NOW HIRING grabbed his attention. He also needed a job. He walked over to the small shop, the smell making him smile instantly in delight. A cheery employee approached him, a grin across her face. Her hair was blonde and was arranged in two pigtails.

"Do you need any help?" the girl asked.

"Um...I was wondering about the sign outside the shop. You're hiring?" he felt queasy. Maybe the pancakes did have bleach in them rather than strawberry jam.

The girl smiled even brighter. "Yeah. My dad...he owns the shop. He told me to make a sign and put it out there! We need someone to mop and clean the loo."

Great.

"I can do that." he smiled back. Why did he smile? Was he happy at the idea of cleaning toilets for a living?

"Terrific! Um, you have a phone number?" Stefan shook his head. "Look, just give me your name and I'll make a note to tell my dad to come by and talk to you tomorrow."

Stefan noded in approval and waited for the eager girl to take hold of paper and pen before he told her his name. "Stefan Olsdal."

~

So the room smelled of weed, cigarettes, and now also of nail polish. Brian's hair was soaking wet from the boiling hot shower he had just taken, and the water droplets fell on his hands interrupting his concentration. He had done both of his hands and now was finishing his toe nails. He was clean and comfy in another oversized shirt he borrowed from his — whatever he was. He sat on the edge of the bed contemplating his masterpiece. Eight years of practicing the art and he was a master at it. He played with the varnish bottle, turning it around with one hand and then with the other. He thought about washing the dishes but then dismissed the idea. He felt slightly empty. Like if there was something missing in the pit of his stomach. The feeling twisted around, shifted around, like a nagging baby when it wants to be fed. Except Brian wasn't going to fall for his inner cry-baby. The little fucker could whine all it wanted, he would just lay there in bed, looking up at the ceiling completely ignoring the fact that he really wanted to be dead. He sat with the feeling, the desire to be erased and cleansed from the surface of the earth. He sat with it in silence, like you sit with a friend of your parents when you don't want to be rude and leave them alone in the living room. There was an acknowledgement that the feeling was there, a complete acceptance. And when he thought he had given it the necessary attention, he shooed it off.

~  
Stefan walked out of the donut shop with a small box on one of his hands. He stared down at it looking at the colorful glazings through the plastic top. There was one with light pink frosting and white circular sprinkles, another one with chocolate glaze and colorful nonpareils, and a third one with plain clear glaze. The day had turned cloudy and cold, and he quickened his pace to make his way back to his flat as fast as he could. On the other hand he held a carton cup with coffee in it, the warmth radiating from his hand to the rest of his body. He took little sips from it warming himself up a bit. It seemed he had walked farther than he thought, and he was having a difficult time keeping himself from shivering. No jacket, brilliant! He thought to himself. He felt like a small child attempting to tie his shoelaces and failing. He felt exactly like that. Here he was, fifteen years old...completely clueless as to what he was doing with his life, no direction ahead, no landing spot. Sometimes he felt rather silly when he gave his actions a deeper thought. He had moved away from home by impulse. He hadn't thought about it hard enough. He knew he had partially done it to get back at his parents, more than for himself. He wanted to make them miss him, and now he could see how childish that was. Nonetheless, it seemed to him that there was something that pulled him towards London. It almost felt like he had dreamed it, like something was subliminally trying to tell him that this is where he should be. He walked around a corner, then walked for a few minutes more...and soon enough he was in front of the building that was now his home. He went inside, the warmth immediately sending relief down his spine. It smelled weird, the whole place. It smelled like rotten wood and rain in a dirty city. He went up a flight of stairs, pausing to better-hold the box of donuts in one hand. He walked a few steps more only for the box to begin opening under his arm once more. With a grunt, he settled his coffee cup on the floor and kneeled down to fix the box properly. He stood up abruptly, annoyed by the whole situation, taking a couple of careless steps with his sight still glued to the floor. It took him a few moments to register that he had unwillingly pushed a small person to the floor.

"Um...I'm sorry!" his voice shaken with embarrassment. It took him even longer to realize the box of donuts had gone flying through the air and landed on the floor, the desserts now ruined, and the coffee...had spilled on top of the small person still laying on the floor. He heard a grunt of pain from below, bringing him back to what was happening before him.

"I am so sorry!" he stretched a hand out, offering whoever he had misfortuned, help standing up. A pair of blue-green eyes peered from behind a curtain of black silky hair. A smiled spread across small lips.

"It's you!" the small figure yelped, stretching out an arm to be assisted. Smile widening.

"Brian?" Stefan questioned unsure, pulling the small boy up by the hand.

"Yeah. 'S me!"

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention." He looked Brian up and down, taking in the sight of his coffee-stained clothes. Feeling even worse about the whole situation. "Jesus"

"What?" Brian asked concerned. "Jesus what?" Then he remembered he was only wearing a long shirt that came down to the middle of his thighs. "Get used to seeing me like this. I don't dress up every day, y'know." a smile spreading across his face again.

Stefan chuckled. "No! I wasn't talking about...that" he pointed at Brian, bewildered that anyone would go out dressed like that. "I spilled coffee all over you!"

"It's okay honey." he replied, twisting a wet part of the bottom of shirt with his fingers...pulling the fabric up slightly in attempt to squeeze out some of the coffee.

"No no no!" Stefan jumped up alarmed, removing Brian's hands from his own shirt and pulling it back down. "Do...Don't do that." he whispered, embarrassed by his response.

"Oh?" Brian starred at Stefan, who was hiding his gaze from him. "Oh my. You really don't look the part. I am usually really quick at this, but you don't seem like it at all! I think I would've never guessed." His amused tone worrying the swede.

"Wha...what are you on about?"  
"You're gay!" the small boy smiled coyly.

Stefan attempted an air-through-the-nose chuckle but his insides were frozen. "No."

"Yes you are. What should I call you from now on? Steffie?" he chuckled, still amused by the whole situation.

"Stef." and he wanted to punch himself as soon as he said it.

Brian's smile softened. "Okay. I like it."

"I'm still not gay..." the swede trailed off. Irritated by his cowardice. Here he was, in front of the most flamboyant man he had ever seen and he still couldn't say it.

"Okay." Brian noded knowingly, looking down at the floor not knowing exactly what to say next.

"I'm sorry about the coffee." Stef filled in the silence.

"It's alright. This isn't mine anyway." the short boy pulled at the fabri. "It's that dick's shirt."

"By that dick you mean..."

"Christopher. That guy you saw at my flat yesterday. Well, his flat really." he cringed as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Are you two together?" Stefan asked genuinely curious.

"I dunno." And Brian really didn't know the real answer to that question. He tried not thinking about it too much, because he knew it really didn't depend on him. "we fuck".

Stef closed his eyes, feeling uncomfortable.

"Here..." Brian pulled Stefan by the hand, walking him towards a balcony-esque window. "Keep me company while this shirt dries off, yeah?" he smiled sweetly.

Stef knew that was a rather silly proposal. Brian could just go into his flat and change shirts, but he wasn't going to complain. He liked talking to the small boy. "Okay..."

Brian smiled, settling in a spot in front of the open window. Stefan stared out, the sky darkening outside. He was taken aback when Brian grabbed his hand, holding it between his own. The pale skin of the smaller boy was cool and soft—except for his fingertips. He could feel the calluses.

"You play guitar?" the swede smiled, finally relaxing.

"Yeah." Brian's gaze dropped to the floor. It was odd to him, he couldn't exactly understand why he always felt so exposed when the topic of music or guitar was brought up. "I play...but, just because I like it. I don't do much with it anyways."

"Neither do I." the taller boy laughed. "I didn't bring my guitar though. I left it back at home. Didn't think it would be of any use, but I guess it would've been nice to jam out with you." he felt sad as he said that.

"You could always get another one, y'know." Brian offered shyly. And it was strange because Stef never imagined he would be able to make the smaller boy feel shy.

"Maybe." the swede replied, a small grin still hung on his lips. He realized his hand was still between Brian's small palms, it felt odd. It felt odd but nice. He looked up from their hands to meed Brian's blue-greens staring at him.

"You have nice lips." and it seemed to Stef that he couldn't pull his hand away from Brian's fast enough. What was this guy doing?

"Wha...?" the words rang on his ears, making him feel strange and uncomfortable. He could almost feel the floor opening under his feet, splitting in two...and he hoped it would swallow him. He looked up to see Brian was still staring at him.

"You do." the small boy smiled like it was completely normal to go around telling boys they had nice lips. "And pretty eyes...and nice hands."

"Please don't." the swede felt defeated, like he was being pushed into a corner, shoved into it making him unable to breathe. "You tell me that...and it makes me feel afraid."

It struck Brian by surprise. Stef's words. "Why so?"

"Because...I really think you're gorgeous."


	4. Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> compliments, pizza and needles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! This is kind of important: I learned that the age of consent in England is sixteen, so I had to change things around a little. I know irl Brian and Stef are two years apart (not even two), but for the sake of this story and because this is AU anyways, they're going to be 3 full years apart. So I changed Stef's age from 17 to 15.

Brian looked at Stefan for a few minutes, bewildered by what he'd just heard. "you say that like you mean it" he replied with a giggle.

"I mean it." the swede shot back, surprising himself. How was it that he was saying these things?

"So you are gay" the black-haired looked at Stefan, searching for his gaze.

"Yeah. I'm gay, Brian." he let out a loud sigh.

"See, was that too hard to say?" the small boy offered a warm smile. "I'm a poof, a sissy, a nancy boy. Better to say with pride." he shrug off.

"You're crazy." the swede smiled back.

"A little"

"Your nails!" Stefan interrupted, taking one of Brian's hands and examining the black varnish. "They look...nice." the smaller boy's hand felt strange in his. It was warm and almost felt like a child's.

"Thanks!" Brian shot back with a cheery grin.

"You have kind of small hands."

"Yeah, well my feet aren't that much better. Didn't get lucky I guess." the black-haired replied a little sad.

Stefan stared out the window, the sky almost completely dark. His chest felt strange. Tight. Like the night was swallowing it.

"How old are you?" Brian interrupted.

"What?..."

"How old are you?"

"fif...fifteen."

"Oh?"

"You?" Stefan suddenly felt awkward.

"Nineteen." Brian replied with a quick nod.

"That guy looks really old for you." the taller boy continued. "how old is he? thirty?"

"He's twenty-seven."

"Yeah, he's too old for you."

"And you're too young." the black-haired shot back a little annoyed.

"Who said anything about me?" the swede replied confused and bothered.

"You're not of age anyway. Plus, I don't like being bottom with somebody younger than me..."

"Can you stop?!" Stefan shot, feeling his cheeks flush. He brought a hand to the side of his face, the heat radiating from his face to his hand to his arm.

"What's your problem anyways? Brian was confused by stefan's reaction.

"Nothing! You just talk too much about...sex." the swede replied, the heat remaining on his cheeks.

"I like sex. I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable." he replied trying to sound honest but failing.

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Have you even been with someone?" and this time Brian didn't even attempt to cover the tone of his voice. plain curiosity.

"Yes, I have." the swede shot back annoyed.

"Okay."

There was an awkward silence between them. It lingered and lingered. Neither Brian nor Stef felt comfortable enough to break it, so they stood in silence, staring out the window. It had become really dark, and it seemed to Brian that they had been standing there talking forever. But they really hadn't.

Finally Stefan broke the silence, and it took every cell in him to speak up again. "Okay, I'm heading back to my flat. You should order me a pizza to make up for such an unpleasant conversation." he attempted a joke, but it came out more serious than he wanted.

"Pizza? I can do that." the shorter boy replied, relief in his voice. "What toppings?"

"Ham...and pineapple."

"yuck. okay, whatever you'd like." the black-haired offered good-naturedly, a soft smile on his lips. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I can be an asshole sometimes."

"It's alright."

"Whenever you'd like, I can do your nails for you! I'm great at it...and you don't have to buy the varnish. I have a lot of colors back in...my flat." Brian offered.

"Me? You doing MY nails?" Stef asked amused.

"Yeah! You definitely strike me as the type. Christopher doesn't like those things, and I have a feeling you do. And if you don't, I think you will. Plus, he isn't the pretty type. He's hot, but not necessarily pretty."

"Ha. And you mean to tell me I'm the pretty type?"

"Didn't I say your lips are nice and your eyes pretty? I did, didn't I? And when I give a compliment to a boy, I mean it."

"So you don't think your boyfriend has pretty eyes? That's what you're saying?" Stefan felt awkward, why did he care what this boy thought of him?

"His lips are nice." Brian smiled, closing his eyes.

"But his eyes aren't?" the swede asked confused, and his confusion grew when he saw Brian reach up for his face, his hands on either side.

"When I look into your eyes, I see a good person." and it took Stefan's whole strength to not tremble as he heard Brian's words. "There's something...beautiful in them."

"And...you don't see that in your boyfriend's eyes?" Stef asked, still under the small boy's touch.  
"He's not my boyfriend..." the black-haired replied dropping his hands from Stef's face. "And no, I don't see that in his eyes."

Stefan felt weird, standing there in front of such a beautiful boy. He felt strange because he had never been this close to a boy he liked this much. He felt afraid.

"Then, why are you with him?"

"That doesn't really concern you." Brian replied nonchalantly. And Stefan could only nod.

"Well, I have to go now." the swede replied, although he really didn't. There wasn't something he had to do, there was nowhere he had to go.

"Yeah, to your flat, right? I have to get back too."

"You were going out, no? And then I ran into you and spilled coffee all over your clothes." stef felt sad as he said that, but he didn't understand why.

"No, I wasn't really going anywhere. I just wanted to step outside. I spend the whole fucking day in there. When I'm not working I'm in there."

"You work?" it amused Stefan to think that Brian could fit somewhere. He himself never felt like he fit anywhere, and here was this boy who apparently did, and he was all kinds of strange.

"Yeah. I do makeup for some gay guys in a pub." the small boy chuckled as he said it.

"Of course you do." the swede replied endearingly.

"Well, go to your flat and get to bed!" Brian interrupted the conversation. He looked down at his wrist, pretending there was a watch there: "It's around time you little boys go to bed, no?" he joked, a silly smile lingering on his lips.

Stefan squinted his eyes in disbelief, smiling at just how easy the shorter boy made insulting-in-a-good-way seem. "yeah, I supposed." he replied with a smile himself. And with that turned around and walked slowly in the direction of his flat, leaving Brian alone. Again.

~  
Stefan's room was empty. No one there, and hardly anything. An old beaten mattress, a pair of sneakers, a few bags...some papers. He felt rather lonely as he looked around the small place and found himself with no one to talk to. Back in Sweden he didn't really have close friends, but he always had someone he could have easy conversations with. Someone from the basketball team, a mate from music class. Theo was an older boy and was probably the closest. He had helped him find this flat, but he had the impression that he did it simply out of curtesy. They had become really close friends and Stefan confided in him that he was gay. He thought it would be alright, Theo was a good guy, and although he didn't take it harshly Stefan believed it made him feel uncomfortable around him. They spoke here and there, but began distancing little by little. Soon Stefan told his parents and the whole ship kind of sank. He felt that Theo only helped him find a place to stay because he felt sorry for him. And now he was here...alone and friendless. To make matters worse he felt like he wouldn't be able to prevent himself from running into Brian all the time, and although he really liked him he also made him feel uncomfortable.

~

Brian threw his keys on a table by the entrance of his flat. The metal made a loud thud against the wood making him grunt in annoyance. He let out the breath that he'd been holding and dropped his bag on the floor. It was really cold. Or at least he felt really cold. He walked towards the dresser digging into a drawer to find a something to cover himself up. He put on the first thing he found — a beaten down thorn-up black zipper sweater. He didn't bother to change his coffee-stained shirt. He simply put it on like that and starred at his reflection in the mirror, not sure if he felt disgust or amusement. He sat on the floor, resting his back on the bed. He closed his eyes and opened them and closed them again. He kept them like that for a few seconds, wondering what it would be like to go blind. He opened them again staring up at the ceiling. And then he remembered something.

~

Stefan dug into one of his bags, mixing around the contents trying to find a toothbrush. He'd woken up late. The day had seemed so so short. He'd barely done anything. He shuffled around the things inside the bag not succeeding with the whole toothbrush business. Instead he found a rubber ball. One of those high-bounce ones. He threw himself on the bed and proceeded to throw the round toy up towards the ceiling, catching it with one hand. He continued trowing it up and catching it on loop, and he hadn't felt like such a child in a really long time.

~

Brian was still sitting on the floor in a coma-state when he heard the door open. He turned around to see Christopher walk in with bags of food in his hands.

"Baby!" he exclaimed running towards him. The blond settled the plastic bags on the table, spreading his arms to greet the short boy. Brian jumped up, the taller boy lifting him up for a few brief seconds and pecking him on the lips.

"What has you all perked up babe?" the blond questioned with a smile.

"Nothing really. Just happy to see you. You're such a jerk, y'know. You left me here alone the whole day."

"you could've gone out. I didn't tell you not to." Chris replied carelessly, opening up the noodle and rice boxes, steam coming out into the cold of the room.

"Yeah, but I wanted to go out with you."

"Well, I had to go do some stuff, okay?"

"Yeah? What? and where to?"

"You sound like a whiny girlfriend babe."

"well that's kind of what I am, am I not?" the short boy shot back, a little upset.

Chris pulled Brian towards himself by the waist, pushing their bodies together. "Yeah, sort of. I suppose." he replied in mockery. "Although you're more like my private whore." Brian bit his lip, attempting to conceal a grin and somewhat succeeding. "I brought you something.." the blond broke the embrace.

"What?" Brian questioned, anticipation in his tone. 

Christopher dug into the inside pocket of his jacket searching for something. "It's...It's somewhere in here. There it is..." he grinned from cheek to cheek pulling out a brown bag from his pocket, two needles poking out.

~  
Stefan was laying on the bed, looking through papers and junk from his bags when he heard a knock on the door. Confused he walked towards the entrance to his flat, turning the knob around to find a young man stretching out a box and grinning at him with a forced smile.

"Your ham and pineapple pizza...sir." the red-head offered, pushing the box towards Stefan.  
Stefan smiled sheepishly feeling silly standing there like an idiot. "Oh yeah, wait a minute..." he reached into his pocket, coins clattering against one another.

"Oh no sir, your order has been paid for." the red-head informed, his smile beginning to fade.

"Oh...okay. Thanks." the swede replied dumbly, taking the box from the red-head and shutting the door. He heard footsteps outside and waited until they faded away and then proceeded to laugh. "wow". He opened the box, the smell swifting through the air and making his stomach turn in anticipation. He was about to pull out a slice when a note stuck to the inside of the lid caught his attention. He pulled it from the carton, the paper coming out clean from the box. In it were words scribbled messily in blue ink.

It read:  
"I really think you're gorgeous too. -Brian"

And Stefan didn't know what to do, so he closed his eyes, took a slice and took a bite from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a REALLY short chapter. I wrote it really fast because the ideas kind of just came to me. I usually write a little of a chapter and leave it and then come back to it two or three times to finish it, but this one I did in one shot, and I hope you liked it. LEAVE COMMENTS! who you like, who you don't like...what you like or don't. I enjoy reading them <3


	5. uneedmemorethanineedu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scene between Brian and Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extremely short chapter. It isn't really a chapter. Take it more like a scene <3

Brian never gave much thought to it. He didn't necessarily want to consider the possible explanations to why the man that had been fucking him for the last three years sometimes didn't come home. He thought he knew why. Or...actually he did know why. It wasn't really a secret. The thing is that he didn't really know if it bothered him or not. He knew the man he had been having sex with for the last three years slept around. He himself was a one-night-stand at one point, but for some reason he'd stuck. And he held on to that fact for dear life. But now that they were sitting there at a burger stand, face to face, a burger in one hand, a fry in the other...he really began thinking about it. Three years too late, but better late than never. He thought about it really hard, one way and then the other. Sideways, backwards. It was odd not knowing how he felt about fucking a guy who fucked other guys on the regular. Either way he knew their situation was slowly tiptoeing into disaster. It was difficult to see how bad it really was. But how can you really say anything about how bad things are when you poke your arm with a needle every day? And these were the things that consumed his brain as he sat under fluorescent light. Trying not to look up, trying desperately to avoid the other man's eyes.

"You're not listening to me..." Chris interrupted his thoughts, sipping soda from a straw.

"What?" Brian shook his head, attempting to shake off the thoughts that were plaguing his mind. "What were you saying?"

"I said you should eat more. You're getting bone-thin."

"I eat. Too much actually. Fuck off, will you?" the small boy replied, still not looking up. He swirled a fry in the puddle of ketchup that was splashed on the paper his burger had been wrapped in. The food was kind of tasteless, it lacked salt.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" the blond questioned, annoyed by Brian's irritated state.

The small boy looked up slowly, still wanting to avoid eye contact with the man in front of him, but knowing he needed to get him to shut up if he wanted his brain not to explode. "I said fuck off. My brain hurts." He tossed the burger carelessly on the plastic tray. It really was tasteless.

"I'm not getting you any more dope if you're..."

"I'm not a fucking child. Don't lecture me. And I can get my own anyways." it was cloudy outside. again. it seemed to always be cloudy.

"Jesus..." 

~

It didn't really matter how much Stefan tried to convince himself that a job was a job and money was money...he still did not want to clean toilets and mop for a living. And he felt like he would never want to eat donuts again. Bad association. The girl that had helped him get the job seemed pleasant and friendly at first, but now her high-pitched voice was really getting on his last nerve. The little bell on the door rang and rang as customers came in and out. He really had to find another way to make money. This was just not gonna cut it. Aside from the fact that the noises and the nature of the job were beyond annoying, the pay was sourly low. Too little hours as well. It simply wasn't going to cut it. He had desperately been trying to avoid the thought, but he knew that soon Markel was going to arrive to London and he'd have to deal with having a flatmate. It was good..they'd split rent and that would definitely help him, but it made him uncomfortable just to think about living with another guy. And those were the things that ran through his mind as he moped the floors of the shop.

~

The day had faded into a fastidious ending once more. It seemed to Brian that all he did was eat and sleep and on some nights, work. And all he wanted to do lately was melt into the euphoria that was a heroin high. He was lying. He really couldn't afford his own drugs. And just as he knew that Chris slept around, he also knew he was doing something to afford their needs. And he really didn't want to think about what it could be. They walked in silence side by side, Brian keeping his head down, Chris biting his nails. The drunk lady from the other night was sitting on the ground smoking a cigarette, the same dog was with her. Surely it was hers. Brian kept thinking about this because he really didn't want to think about his own problems. The blond towered over him even more than usual, since he was keeping his head down and slouching. It made him feel like a child. The night was cold as was the night before and the night before that. It did virtually nothing to wake him up. His mind was going on and on in circles, like a a hamster on a hamster-wheel. It didn't make since. How he ended up like this. His life was pathetic. His eyelashes felt heavy every time he blinked. Lately he'd been doing everything on auto-pilot. He'd probably put way too much mascara on. But it was okay. That didn't really matter. And it also didn't really matter how little he thought of himself. You're just supposed to carry on like that, right? I mean, who in the hell has time to slow down and fix themselves? No one. They arrived at the pub a little earlier than usual. Henry was sitting at his desk, looking through some papers. They remained silent. It felt strange. They hadn't been talking that much the whole day. It had never ocurred to Brian how unhappy they really were together. They didn't really laugh that much, and they were always fighting. That night he finally noticed it.

"Babe, I feel like shit today. I'm just gonna do a simple style, okay? And I'm heading back home after I finish all of you, so don't wait for me." the blond stared at him as if he'd just spoken in another language.

"Why?...I mean, why aren't you gonna wait for me?"

It was dreadful. It was dreadful to have to explain himself so much. He inhaled through his nose and loudly exhaled through his mouth. "I...I told you I feel like shit. I'm gonna go lay down or something. I'm just, not entirely here. If you know what I mean. I really feel awful." he eyed the taller man with hopeful eyes. Crossing his fingers that it'd be a good enough excuse to leave. Although it wasn't really an excuse, it was simply an honest explanation. A half-truth. The blond man nodded with a shaky grin on his lips.

"Fine. I hope You get better. See you around then?"

"Yeah. So that means you're not coming home tonight, right? And if I stayed waiting for you, you'd probably walk me home, drop me off and then leave. You're such a dick."

"Yeah, I probably am. Too bad you're addicted to sex and drugs. And you need me for both."

Brian rolled his eyes. It never failed to surprise him how Chris could anger him so fast. He was so goddamned pissed. Henry cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and then standing up to leave the room, closing the door behind him.

"I fucking hate your guts." Brian spat, looking directly at Chris. The taller man was unreadable. A blank stare.

"Sure you do. Fine. You hate me. That doesn't make what I said any less true."

"I think you need me more than I need you, and you're too dumb to realize that."

"You think so?" the blond shot back, a mocking grin spreading across his face. "Do you really think that Molko? Because I really don't. I don't need you. I can sleep with as many blokes as I want and I can get my own fucking dope." Brian stared at him. And he knew what he wanted to say, but he just couldn't make himself spit it out. "You know how many guys want to suck my dick? You're just my fucking bitch, and you know that."

"Yeah. You can probably get your dick sucked by whatever bloke you want, and yeah maybe I need you for sex and for dope, but that's all. Sex. Drugs. That's it. But...I know you have feelings for me and I really don't have feelings for you. And you know that." and with that the short man walked out of the building, slamming the door behind him, not giving Chris any time to respond. He knew he'd probably regret saying that soon, but at that moment he really really didn't. He wanted to scream. The cold air hit him like a brick in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've not been feeling well emotionally/mentally and it's been preventing me from working on the story! I felt like I was taking too long to update it so I decided to post a mini scene meanwhile. Hope You guys like it.
> 
> I love you guys for supporting my story! <3


	6. Lips To Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefan and Brian shift awkwardly on a mattress...basically.

Brian rushed into his flat like a storm. He almost believed smoke was coming out of his head. He was just so goddamn upset. He didn't even know if he meant what he had said. He said it in the heat of the moment, but some part of him really believed it. He didn't love Christopher. He hated him. He wanted to spit in his face. At least that 's how he felt in that moment. He paced around the room, throwing his keys on the bed but missing, making them land on the floor. Ha paced and paced, making grunting sounds of frustration. He couldn't even really tell what he was mad about, or who he was mad at. He just hated the fact that what Chris had said rang true in his ears. He couldn't deny his words, and it made him want to scream and tear the world apart. He paused for a moment in front of the mirror, taking the sight of himself. It felt like his reflection would burn his brains. He couldn't stand seeing his own stupid face. He hated himself more than he hated — him. Goddammit. Why did he have to be such a needy idiot? WHY? Sometimes it felt like being with Chris sucked the life out of him, he could almost physically feel it, but he just couldn't make himself leave. He couldn't move from his spot. He felt like a piece of furniture in someone's life. He stared at himself, his pupils looked bizarrely large. He felt disgustingly skinny. His bones popped out in weird angles. His black jeans hung loosely on his hips. He hugged his middle in an attempt to hide himself, but it was useless. He couldn't disappear. The room was completely silent. He heard footsteps outside and distant voices. he focused on them, trying to make out what they were saying, in an attempt to distract himself from his own problems. Then he heard a different sound. The clatter of keys, very very close. He walked towards the door, hesitating to open it. He popped his head out, not fully leaving his flat, and then he saw him. The other blond.

Stefan turned around, sensing someone staring at him. He smiled when he recognized the short pale figure peeping outside of the room across from his own place.

"Hello." the swede broke the silence. He stared at Brian like you'd stare at an artwork in a museum. Brian remained silent, a forced smile spread across his lips. "ugh...you okay?" the younger boy offered. Brian noded, unsure of why he couldn't speak. "You...you want to talk, or something?" he asked, still staring at the black-haired. It was strange because Stefan was younger than Brian and Brian knew about sex and relationships, and he knew nothing about those things, but something in him felt the need to protect the shorter boy, and he felt awkward because Brian was older than him.

"ye...yeah." the shorter boy finally spoke. He felt something like a rock in his throat, and he finally figured out why he could barely get a word out.

Stef knew it was wrong to be thinking about those things when the boy before him was obviously very upset, but he couldn't help thinking about Brian's lips on his. And it was crazy because he barely knew him. Brian pressed his lips together and started at the floor. The swede stood there, not knowing what else to say or do, and then he heard quiet sniffles coming from the smaller boy.

"Are you crying?" he asked, worried and curious. Because Brian was a mystery to him. He was intriguing.

"Yeah." the black-haired noded, still staring at the floor. "A little" he chuckled a sad kind of chuckle. "I'm sorry...You must think I'm pathetic, right?"

"No. I don't think that." the taller boy replied honestly.

"Okay. A...and I said yes."

"yes what?"

"I do want to talk."

Stef looked at Brian up and down. He was wearing black from head to toe. He noticed how loose his jeans were on him and how disheveled his hair was. He noticed his untied shoelaces...and he noticed the patch of skin revealed by his short shirt.

"I look like shit, I know." it surprised Stef when he heard those words coming out of Brian's mouth. He wanted to slap himself because he couldn't stop staring at him.

"No you don't" the swede replied overly serious. "Why do you keep saying those things about yourself?" and Stefan really wanted to know the answer to that question. He wanted to know how someone like Brian could feel that way.

"What do you mean? I look horrible. I know so. You're sweet though." the shorter boy looked up at Stefan, staring at his eyes and then at his hair. "You're really tall."

"I know." the swede replied. "My hands are huge. Good for piano." he put his hands in the air, showing them off to the short boy in front of him.

"I hope that's not the only thing that's huge." Brian laughed, an easy smile on his lips.

"Oh God. You're crazy Brian." Stefan put his hands on his cheeks.

"Are you gonna invite me in, or...?"

"Ye...Yeah. Sure." The swede opened the door, allowing Brian to slip inside. Once they were both in he closed the door, the thud making him feel hyper-aware and nervous. He was alone in a bedroom with —him. Brian sat on the mattress, the old springs making sounds as he shifted finding a comfortable spot.

"Are you gonna tell me why you were crying?" the taller boy asked the black-haired once he had stopped moving around on the mattress.

"My stupid—Christopher is an idiot. I fucking hate him."

"Of course."

"Are you gonna give me shit because I'm talking to you about my love life?" Brian asked easily, no apprehension in his tone. "I wouldn't blame you. I hate having to deal with this shit myself. We can talk about whatever. Something else." he started biting his nails, his eyes glued to the floor.

"No. I asked you because I want to know what's wrong. I am not going to give you shit for answering my question."

"In that case...all I have to say is that I don't want to see him today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that."

"Why?" he felt dumb asking him that, but he wanted to know.

"I don't know how to explain it really. It's a bit complicated."

"I have ears...and time. I can listen."

"It's really not a matter of time." Brian smiled a sad smile. "It's just really hard to explain in a way that doesn't make me look like a complete moron." he looked up and caught Stefan's eyes.

"Well, if you're a moron it wont make me like you any less." The swede bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't regret saying that though. He wanted Brian to know.

"Maybe not."

"Try me." he smiled warmly, looking at Brian sitting on his mattress.

"My boyfriend is sleeping with other blokes. And I don't even know why it bothers me. I can't get far enough away from him." Brian bit his bottom lip, and it made Stefan want to scream.

"So he IS your boyfriend."

"Not officially. He isn't. We just shag...but it's long-term or whatever."

"Oh." Stefan nodded because he didn't know what else he could do.

"I just need to leave him, y'know? I have to or I'm gonna go crazy." he laughed nervously.

"well you can...you know that, right?"

"wha...?"

"You can leave him if you want to." the swede offered.

"I don't want to." the black hair pouted, and somehow it made Stefan feel a little better.

"I see." he laughed. "You say that like you're joking."

"Cause I sort of am, I suppose. I guess this whole thing is a joke. I'm a joke."

there he goes again.

"You're not, Brian. You're not a joke. I just don't see what you're so bothered about. Do you really like that guy? You're sort of confusing me on that area."

"He's hot." Brian smiled, laying on the mattress. "Fuck. He's so good at sex." he squeezed his eyes shut. "I hate myself."

and there it was.

Stefan looked at Brian spread across his bed, his legs dangling loosely. His hair was a mess and he looked like he'd just been mugged or something...but he couldn't help thinking that he was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. 

"...so, you're just with him for sex?"

"I'm broke too, angel. I can't afford shit." the black haired opened his eyes to see Stefan staring at him. "I like it when you stare at me." he chuckled.

"Are you trying to make me feel awkward?" the swede replied with an embarrassed smile.

"No. I mean it." Brian assured him.

"Well then, you're weird."

"Yup. Figured that out a long time ago." Brian patted a spot on the mattress offering Stefan to go sit by him. He propped himself up on his elbows, his eyes glued to the swede as he walked towards the bed and sat next to him.

"You're so young and you're taller and smarter than me." Brian spoke calmly, like if he were reading from a book. He stared at the swede. His face, his lips, his eyes. "You're really good looking too."

"So I'm taller and apparently smarter than you...and are you trying to tell me I'm good looking...and you're not?" he stared back at Brian confused. Was he really that blind?

"Take the compliment, yeah?" And he was still staring at him.

"You're blind." the swede replied, almost absent-mindedly. He shifted his sight away from Brian. Staring at the floor, the window, the door. Anything but the boy before him. So it took him by surprise when he felt Brian's lips pressed on his. The black-haired cupped his face with hands, and it made Stefan feel so fucking good. His lips were soft. He could feel the warmth of his hands on his face. It was just lips to lips. Nothing more. Brian pulled back, his eyes opened. Stefan looked at him. His eyes seemed sad, the blue overpowering the green. "What was that?" he wanted to kick himself because maybe that would feel Brian feel awkward, and he really didn't want that to happen.

"When I see a pretty boy I really like, I want to kiss him." the shorter boy replied.

"Right." the swede smiled. "You say you like me, and I don't know what you mean."

"Well mister, if you say I'm blind I say you're deaf. I think you're pretty, and I think you're nice."

"You keep using that word."

"pretty? hot is too vulgar."

"is it? Stefan asked unconvinced.

'"it is too me. sort of I suppose. Plus you're too young." Brian laughed.

"You also keep saying that" the swede shifted his feet awkwardly.

"You are. And I sort of wish you weren't."

"Why is that?"

"I wouldn't feel guilty kissing you."

And Stefan had to laugh because he just couldn't believe what he'd heard. Was Stefan Olsdal really capable of making this Brian creature feel guilty? He'd take that as a badge of honor. "You feel guilty for kissing me?" he asked with a grin. He just couldn't conceal it.

"Yeah. I fucking do. I feel like...I just feel really bad about it. You're fifteen."

"Brian, you're only nineteen, okay? It's fine."

"bu...but. You're so pure." and if Brian hadn't said that with the most honest tone Stefan had ever heard, he'd take it as an insult and a blow to his pride.

"And you don't want to be the one to corrupt me, is that it?" the swede replied with a smile.

"sort of, I guess." and now Brian was the one shifting awkwardly on the mattress. "I didn't make you feel uncomfortable, right?"

"When I see a pretty boy I really like, I silently wish he'd get real close to my face and press his lips against mine." Stefan replied, a smile on his lips and a hand on Brian's thigh.

"That's a no, right?"

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm taking forever to update. I hope I haven't lost some of you. I'll try to update more regularly. If I take a long time and you actually like reading this story, don't give up on it because I promise I'll finish it. No matter how long the pauses are :)
> 
> >> looking forward to reading your comments!  
> ** Also, Merry Christmas! (if you celebrate...) <3


	7. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian is miserable and Stefan gets new company.

It didn't really occur to Stefan that Brian would end up sleeping in his bed. He'd been talking to him about music and guitars and songs he'd written. The smaller boy had been listening intently, nodding and adding remarks here and there, but somewhere along the line he'd fallen asleep. So he found himself noticing how Brian's chest rose and fell as he breathed. He looked so frail. Almost like he'd break. He sat on the floor next to the mattress, giving the black-haired a closer look. His face had small pimples all over and Stefan thought they looked almost endearing. He was really pale. In a sickly way. His eyelashes were mascara-inked and his eyelids had some sort of purple-gray smeared on them. It was odd—the way the older boy looked. He felt somewhat starstruck. It was strange to see him up close. He was so human. He had pimples and dark circles and cheap eyeshadow. Stefan pulled one of his bags next to him, digging inside, shifting papers from one place to the other trying to find the piece he was searching for. He picked up the piece once he found it, staring at the chords that he'd quickly jotted down not so long ago. He only wrote music, he felt like he was no good at explaining what he felt with words. He had dozens of pieces of paper with random chords noted in them. Never finished, always just a thought in the air. Almost like his life. Never fulfilled, just a thought in the air. He quickly hid the paper away when he felt Brian shift his legs from above.

"Wha...what was that?" the black-haired asked, sleep lingering on his lips. He smiled warmly.

"Nothing really. Just some...something I wrote some months back." He didn't want Brian to see, but he also didn't want to lie. He kept his eyes glued to the carpet.

"Let me see." Brian shot back, his smile growing.

"No words, just music." the swede hesitantly handed the paper to Brian.

"if you don't want me to, I don't have to see it." he offered back, the paper still on his hands.

"No, go ahead. It's not like they're lyrics or something you can judge me over." the younger boy replied with a smile, feeling slightly less apprehensive.

"I wouldn't though." He glanced at the paper concentrating on its scribbles. Stefan grew tense as Brian studied the sheet. "I bet this sounds awesome!" the black-haired beamed. It's a shame you don't put words to your work.

"ah...you can...you can read music? like, well enough to read that?" the swede asked honestly amazed.

"I know I look like a bimbo, but I'm not." Brian replied still smiling. "Let me write lyrics for this."

"You...what?" Stefan felt like he was being fooled. Why would someone willingly write lyrics for his music? "It isn't finished, actually."

"We can finish it together. I play guitar, remember?" the black-haired smiled shyly. He glanced down at the sheet still between his fingers.

"ugh...ye—ah. I remember that. you mentioned it. but I left my guitar back home, and you don't have one."

"When there's a will there's a way, y'know."

The swede nodded but he felt stupid. He felt like Brian was lying to him, or just offering that to make him feel less awkward and pathetic. "You sure?" he asked, snapping out of his thoughts. 

"Of course. I haven't played in a while. I write phrases that come to my mind. Not really songs, not really lyrics. Just sort of—thoughts, I suppose." and Brian felt sad as he said that. Like he was looking into a murky reflection of himself. The image barely visible. Like a distant memory lost in his mind.

"Okay then. I want you to write lyrics for that. But now you can't back down, deal?" the swede looked at Brian, the smaller boy was dangling his legs like a child, and for a moment he felt like he'd known him for a very long time. It was weird because something about Brian felt threatening. Dangerous. But in that moment he didn't feel that way. It almost felt like in a parallel universe they'd be friends and they'd write songs together.

"Fine. Deal." Brian offered his hand to Stefan, a huge smile spread from cheek to cheek. The swede reluctantly shook his small hand, but to Brian any handshake would suffice. "It's a sad song. I can tell by the chords."

"Yeah. Sort of, I suppose."

"There's this guy. He has guitars over at his place. Bass and everything." the small boy chewed his nails between phrases. "We should go."

"What do you mean?...is he going to lend them to us?"

"Not exactly. We're going to...borrow them." Brian smirked, his eyes fixed on Stefan's.

"Isn't that the same thing? Or...are you implying that we should break into that bloke's house and steal his guitars?" the taller boy felt irritated.

"Um, no. I'm suggesting you help me get my payback."

"What?"

"That asshole slept with my boyfriend."

"Now he's your boyfriend? You've been avoiding calling him that." Stefan couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy. Okay, maybe it was more than a tinge.

"Ugh, whatever. You know who I'm talking about anyway. It's only fair, you can't deny that."

"Yes I can, because what does him shagging your boyfriend have to do with his guitars?" and Stefan truly was confused about this. He couldn't quite grasp Brian's way of thinking.

"Just please. Do this for me. Please. It'll be two birds with one stone. We need those guitars anyways, and we're broke as hell." That was true. They were both broke as hell, and Stefan really wanted to work on his songs with Brian, no matter how much he tried to push that thought to the back of his mind.

"Fine."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. But we have to do this right. No getting caught. I mean it Brian." and the smaller boy hid his smile with one hand. "Your payback will have to be the plain satisfaction of knowing you stole them from him. Because that's what we're doing. We're stealing from that bloke." He stared at Brian as if he were speaking to a child.

"He stole from me first." the black-haired mumbled. The swede could only laugh at that remark.

"You're insane. What did he steal from you exactly? Explain that to me."

"Christopher's cock."

"You serious?"

"YES. I am. And that's my last word about that." The smaller boy stared down at the floor, still chewing on his nails.  
~

The next day was all about carton boxes, papers and cup-noodles. Stefan sat in the middle of his room, papers scattered all around him, boxes covering every inch of his bed. He was sorting through all the papers he had brought with him. Photographs, pieces of songs he'd been working on back in Sweden. He had three cups of ramen noodles spread in front of him, two empty and one half full. He opened and closed his eyes, feeling tired from reading over so many papers. He sipped a spoon-full of warm soup, savoring the flavor before swallowing...then he heard a knock on the door. He groaned knowing exactly who it was and what it meant. It was Merkel, and he would no longer have the flat to himself. He hesitantly walked to the door and stood in front of it for a few seconds before opening it. A fake smile spread across his face.

"Merkel!" the swede shouted, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he could. 

Merkel was a beautiful boy. His eyes were hazel and his hair was a tone of ashy brown. His skin was pale but had a rosy tone to it, small freckles colored his face. He was nineteen too, like Brian...only he actually looked his age.

"Stefan! Long time mate. You look great." the older boy smiled warmly, and Stefan could tell he was genuinely happy to see him again.

"Just tell me my parents didn't send you to baby me."

"No! I wanted to see you. Really. Plus London had been calling for me, I couldn't resist." It amazed Stefan how long Merkel could hold his smile.

"Yeah?" he let Merkel in and closed the door behind them. "How so?"

"I got accepted into the University of Arts." he was nearly beaming.

"Wow." and Stefan was truly amazed.

"Yeah! I'm excited. It'll help me a lot to split rent with you. It's nice having you around too."

"Thanks." the younger boy replied awkwardly. "Nice having you around as well." God he was such an idiot. He couldn't have made that sound any less genuine if he tried. Merkel just kept smiling and nodded.

'You're still in secondary?"

"I'm done with school. I mean...I quit." the younger boy looked down at the floor, half ashamed and half proud. A rebellious pride. A stupid pride.

"Oh?" Merkel fell silent. "It's alright. You're smart, I'm sure you'll find a way to turn your life into something worthwhile one way or the other. You were destined for greatness, my man!" He wasn't sure if Merkel's optimism irritated him or not, but he just smiled and nodded as he felt half dead inside.

"Yeah. It'll work out."

~

Brian wanted to kill himself. He was never really sure how much he actually meant it when he told Chris that he wanted to shoot himself in the head. The blond never seemed to take it seriously, so he assumed he didn't sound serious. Also he didn't have a gun. The afternoon was cold and Brian cursed under his breath as he walked outside. There was a cafe a few blocks from his place and whenever he felt like staying in his flat would only cause him to trash the place, he'd walk to it regardless of how cold it was or if it was raining. He'd order himself a cup of coffee. Black. Because he hated black coffee and drinking it gave him something else to curse about instead of his own pathetic existence. He sat on a chair, with one leg over the other...his coffee cup in one hand. He made a face at the bitterness of the drink and stared outside the window. There was a couple walking by. A boy and a girl. Hand in hand, and he also made a face at that. He waited and waited, saw more people pass by, had another cup of coffee. Black. And then he stood up and walked out. The wind was brutal. It hit his face like a million slaps. It blew in one direction then the other. He cupped his hands together blowing warm air into them to warm himself up. He was wearing a beanie with a fury ball on top to keep his hair from saying from one way to the other. He could never figure out why he always felt like he wanted to kill someone. He felt irritated in such an extreme way. It clouded his perception and he couldn't think straight. He was thinking about this when he walked next to the donut shop nearby and spotted the younger blond inside. A broom in his hand and a face of complete exhaustion. He bit back a grin, not really knowing why as there was nobody there to see him smile at the sight of the swede. Without a second thought he walked towards the shop, opening the door and making the little bell ring.

"Welcome!" the same cheery girl with pigtails smiled at Brian. The shorter boy ignored her walking directly towards the blond who was staring at the opposite direction.

"Steffy." Brian shrieked. A smile plastered on his face. Stefan turned around recognizing the voice at once. He smiled upon seeing the pale creature in front of him, cheeks pink from the cold. 

"What are you doing here?" the younger boy questioned, unsure of what he was feeling. It was ridiculous how attracted he was to Brian. Every time he was near him he couldn't think straight. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate on something else besides his lips or his eyes.

"Came in for donuts." he lied, and the swede knew it, but he played along.

"Yeah?" he was still smiling and he wanted to slap himself across the face, knock the stupid out of his system.

"No." And Stefan was surprised, because he was betting the smaller boy would play along longer, but he sounded like he was about to spill the truth.

"I saw you through the window. I'm actually on a murder spree, want to volunteer?" the black-haired offered smiling. The swede was unimpressed, hoping for something better than that.

"You want to come work with me?" Brian finally spilled out what he came to ask in the first place. Smile gone. He bit his bottom lip nervously, eyeing the blond carefully.

"Makeup?" the younger boy asked, smile spreading across his face again.

Brian chuckled at his enthusiasm, relieved that he took it that way. "Yeah." he offered warmly. "Makeup. I can teach you." The blond considered his offer for a few seconds, seemingly thoughtful.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back. Sorry for taking soo long to update :< I've not been feeling really well emotionally/mentally. Just mentioning it because I don't want you guys to think I'm slacking off. 
> 
> **I love reading your comments, so go ahead and leave a line <3


	8. Leather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> porn porn porn. so sorry.

When Brian got home that night he was happier than he'd felt in ages. His life was still crap he still didn't care much about anything, but knowing that he'd be hanging out with Stef more often made him feel almost excited. And honestly he felt stupid about it. The kid was fifteen, and he was excited about spending time with him, could he really get any more pathetic than that? He smiled embarrassed at the thought, making his way past the door, his eyes glued to the inside of his tote as he shuffled the contents around looking for his box of cigarettes when he suddenly heard his voice.

"Are we okay?" was the first thing that came out of Christopher's mouth, Brian looked up surprised by the blond's presence.

" Ah, yeah. Sure." the black-haired kicked the door close behind him with his foot, eyeing his cigarette as he held up the lighter to lit it. He plopped down on the bed, slouching as soon as he settled down.

"That's it?" Christopher asked confused, not understanding why Brian was acting as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah. What? You want us to fight again?" the smaller boy looked up from his spot on the bed, the blond towering over him even more than he did when they were both standing. "Though I'd never see your ass again."

"I pay rent. It's my place."

"Well, I'm sure you have other places besides this one. Plus, I buy you food."

"You don't cook for me." the blond tried joking, smiling awkwardly.

"I know how to cook, we just don't have a stove. Plus I'm not your wife." Brian shot back, not wanting to give in to Christopher's games. "You're in a good mood, why is that?"

"I'm with you. That's enough of a reason. I missed you."

"Should I take that as a compliment? Am I really that good in bed?" Brian challenged with annoyance, looking up as he blew smoke through his mouth.

Christopher walked towards Brian who was still sitting down on the bed slouching and looking like an pestered child. He took the cigarette from the smaller boy taking a drag before he stubbed it out.  
Brian looked at him anticipatory. Hopeful? Dreadful? A mix of so many fucked up emotions. He felt the blond push him hard against the mattress and he almost wanted to kick him off and run out of the room, but it felt so good. Something lurched in his stomach every time Christopher got close enough to him that he could feel his breaths against his cheeks. He wanted to punch him in his stupid face, he wanted him to scrape the pain away. A powdery itching irritating pain that seemingly came from nowhere in particular. Faceless and nameless.

"Is that all you ever think about?" Christopher asked, his eyes glued to Brian's as he pinned him to the bed.

"Are you insulting me again?" the black-haired replied with a grin, fighting off Chris' grip on his wrists. If his brain could barf it would. He was mad at him, he thought Christopher was a jerk, why was he smiling and leading him on? He bit the inside of his cheek to stop his lips from falling into a bitter scowl.

"It isn't an insult. It's the truth." the blond replied with a grin of his own.

"Get off." Brian shot, feeling something like a rock sink into his chest. Hurt, or maybe just pride. The wires in his brains too tangled to help him understand who he was truly upset at. He kicked him lightly in the stomach with his knee, pushing him off and pulling himself up from the bed. He picked up his keys from where they'd landed on the floor and took his jacket from the bed. "Thanks but no thanks." he said as he walked towards the door, opening it for a only a few seconds before Chris pushed it back closed.

"Are you still mad about last time? That was two days ago..." he reasoned, locking Brian against the door and between his arms. "If anything I should be fucking upset. You basically admitted you're using me. Doesn't that make you a whore?"

Brian let out a sigh, looking up from between Chris and the wood of the door. "Jesus fuck. Let me go."

"Do you really want to go?" the blond whispered against his ear. "I don't think you do."

And Brian kissed him because he didn't know what else he could do. He was at a loss. Christopher was right. He didn't want to go. He wanted to be right here with him just as they were. He pushed his lips against the taller man's, their tongues clashing in frustration and need. Christopher held him by the hips, pushing him harder against the door. He fumbled with his belt, unbuckling and slipping it off. Their lips separated and their eyes met for a few seconds. Christopher held Brian's hands behind his back, tying them together with his belt. Their shaky breaths intertwining and their eyes locking.

"Tighter" Brian gasped, briefly closing his eyes. Christopher pulled the leather belt tighter around his small wrists. The younger boy let out a shriek of pain, rolling back his head. The blond leaned closer towards him, pushing himself against his body. The bulge in his jeans pressing against Brian's hardening cock. His breaths tickling his neck. He leaned even closer, pressing harsh kisses against the pale skin of his neck, sliding his hands from his shoulders to his hips keeping him in place. 

"It's not true." the smaller boy let escape from his lips between gasps. "What I said...about not having feelings for you." His voice agitated but weak.

"I know" Christopher replied, his lips still brushing against Brian's neck, curling into a grin.

"Loo..look at me..." the words felt almost alien as they escaped his mouth. "please." The blond hesitantly withdrew, taking a step back to put some space between them. The sound of their agitated breaths intensified by the contrast of the quiet in the room. Christopher looked Brian in the face, but the smaller boy could only look down to the carpet.

"I'm looking at you. Shit, just say it." there was a bitter tone to his words. He almost sounded resentful. Brian raised his gaze slowly, dreading having to stare the man in front of him in the face. Their eyes finally met, and he almost felt embarrased for feeling so troubled about having sex with the man he'd been sleeping with for years. No, he didn't almost feel embarrased—he certainly did. He took in the sight of his pale crease-less skin, his blue eyes, his messy hair. He was beautiful. He remembered he had told Stefan that he thought otherwise, but now as he stood in front of him, he really did think he was beautiful. He stood there dumbfounded. Unable to find the right words to say whatever it was his brain wanted to so badly spit out. He just wanted to silence all the doubts. Kill all the voices that told him to leave him. This is what he knew and this is where he'd stay. He loved him, didn't he? It seemed so at times, and then he convinced himself otherwise. Why wasn't there a hammer so he could just smack his brains dead?

"...I want you to fuck me." it came out almost mechanically. Like a rehearsed phrase. He told himself that he said it because he knew that it was what Christopher wanted to hear, but that wasn't true. It was another one of the stupid lies he tried to feed himself. He said it because he wanted to hear those words coming out of his own mouth. He wanted...needed to believe that it was truly what he wanted. "please." it came out almost in a whimper. The taller man pushed him against the wood of the wall, pressing their lips together. The blond devoured at Brian's mouth, the smaller boy allowing him to bite as he pleased. He felt Christopher cupping his cock through the fabric of his jeans, teasing his erection. He let out a gasp, tilting his head up and closing his eyes. His hands were sore from being held together by the belt. He ached for release but couldn't touch himself. He bucked his hips forward towards Chris, little pants escaping his mouth.

"I want you to say that you're mine." the taller boy rasped. "I need to hear you say it." He unzipped the smaller boy's jeans, reaching under his underwear for his cock.

"Fuck" Brian leaned forward and collapsed his head on Chris' shoulder.

"say it." the blond challenged. His voice steady.

"I...I'm yours." he let out in shaky breaths. He felt Chris' hand against his cock, rubbing up and down slowly. His blood feeling hot under his skin. He bit down on Chris' collarbone instinctively, melting into the pleasure. His mind felt liquid, he felt like he'd been holding his breath for years.  
Suddenly he felt the taller man back off and away from him. His little moans of protest not making him feel embarrased at all.

"You're torturing me." he let out. His voice cracking a little.

"Well isn't that what you like?" the blond looked at Brian intently. His hair near perfect. Only dark circles under his eyes interrupting his pale skin. The shorter boy bit his lip, turning his gaze down towards the floor. Chris stepped forward, taking Brian by the hand and leading him to the bed. He pushed him by the shoulders, causing his knees to give in, bending and making him stumble back towards the bed. He landed awkwardly on the mattress. Half sitting half laying. Christopher eyes him carefully. Brian's eyes glued to his. A weird magnetism. "I want you to touch yourself..." He leaned forward, reaching for the belt wrapped around Brian's wrists. "I want to see you." he slid it off, throwing it carelessly on the floor. The smaller boy gripped his own cock, settling better on the bed and parting his legs slightly. He rubbed himself slowly at first until he reached a steady rhythm. There was something about this that made him feel dirty. Out of all the things they did together, it was difficult for him to touch himself like this, knowing that he was being watched. He almost felt guilty. His eyes closed and his lips parted. His pace quickened as he felt himself on the edge. He tried really hard to stifle the moans that threatened to escape his lips. He was so fucking close. A hand pulled at his arm suddenly, waking him up from his frenzy. He opened his eyes to meet Christopher's blue pools.

"I was so fucking close." the smaller boy protested. His words shaky and his breaths agitated.

"I know. That's why I stopped you." the blond responded mechanically. His eyes expressionless and cold. He retrieved the belt from the floor, placing it on the bed beside Brian. The smaller boy eyed him suspiciously. "You're awfully over-dressed." he continued, kneeling down to pull Brian's jeans and underwear off. He hurridly pulled down his own trousers and underwear all the same, exposing his erection. The smaller boy remained still on the bed, his fists clinging to the sheets.

"Say it again...say that you want me to fuck you."

Brian bit his lip annoyed. Why did he always have to play these mind-control games? Why why why? "Fuck...I do. I want you."

"Finish it..." the blond challenged. Eyeing him from above.

"I want you to fuck me..." he spilled out hesitantly. Annoyed at himself. Fucking hell he felt so pathetic. Christopher walked closer, grabbing Brian my one arm and flipping him over, belly-down.

"You are so beautiful." He dug his nails into Brian's small shoulder, drawing a whimper from his mouth. He opened a drawer from the nightstand, pulling out a bottle lube. It was almost routine-like, Brian thought as he layed there motionless. The same clattering noises coming out of the drawer, the same slick sound of the lube. Almost monotone. But ohfuckinghell. None of that mattered when he felt Christopher's length tease his hole, ripping him apart. He melted into the familiar sensation of being completely used. A familiarity he cherished. Like a pain you've become accustomed to. He clenched his fists around the sheets, as Christopher's cock inched further inside him. The pace quickening and he almost surprised himself when he heard the please and moans coming out of his mouth.

"That's it. Ask for it like a bitch." the blond rasped in shaky breaths. His even tone shattered.

"Oh God." Brian was a mess. Strands of hair sticking to his sweaty neck and forehead. He was completely overtaken by pleasure so it startled him when he felt the leather of the beld hit against his right cheek. "Shit" he winced. His eyes shut tightly. "please. Oh God. Do that again." The belt hit against his cheek again, a thick red streak staining the pale skin. His moans becoming increasingly difficult to control. The sensation of the belt mercilessly hitting against his skin and Chris' cock tearing him open completely shattering his control. He felt the blond grip his cock from under his body. He shifted awkwardly to give him room to get a hold of him better. He felt Chris' pace quicken right before he felt his come inside his hole. The blond's hand working on Brian's cock faster, until the black-haired came into his hand. The smaller boy collapsed into the mattress, feeling empty. The warmth from the taller boy lifting away from his body making him shiver. He propped himself up, his gaze searching for Chris. The blond stood in the middle of the room, picking up his clothes from the floor. Brian snapped out of his dream-like state and followed suit, picking up his clothes from the floor. It was so awkward. Like two teenagers having sex for the first time. Too embarrassed to see each other in the eye. Well, that was how Brian felt. He had now way of really knowing what the other man was feeling. It had become odd, especially recently. He eyed the taller man looking at the direction of the shower and he sprinted past him, beating him to it. He shut the door behind him. A little more of a slam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even believe I'm updating this story. I've been feeling pretty miserable lately, so It really took an effort! I can't say how long it'll take me to update again...but I assure you I'll finish this story <3 Big big sorry for the delay you guys! :•(  
> **didn't spell/grammar check. Suuuper tired. Sorry for any mistakes!


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